bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
