U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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