So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I believe in your delicious
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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