He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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