Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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