we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
