they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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