The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
