She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Less talking, more tequila
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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