You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
4 words: hood of his car
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
