If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize