He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
