id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
