I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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