I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
