She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
