If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
