No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
