Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
