My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
