Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
