He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
