New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
