She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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