then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
