I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
