she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
