My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
