My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
