In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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