Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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