1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
