he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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