so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
