Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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