I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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