I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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