Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
