so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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