I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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