it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
