We won't sleep together?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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