she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
