I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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