I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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