like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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