I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
