I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
