You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
