Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think people are normalizing furries
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
