Im at strip club and am horny
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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