what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
