Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
