By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
