Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
