Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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