This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
