Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
