Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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