Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on