Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
