I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
