alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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