More tranny stories later!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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