Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
