How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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