Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
